Hookups with Hailey: Coconut Oil & KY Gel

August, 2020

This column was written for and published in the publication Tiger Trends.

I wasn’t allowed to date until I was sixteen, so by the time I got to Princeton, I was immediately intrigued by the romantic scene. Quickly, however, I was introduced to the odd affairs of Princeton, insanely centered around hookups. To further explore this scene, I’m excited to present weekly interviews featuring two Princetonians who have hooked up and revisit their encounter by separately answering questions about it. Read about how they met, who made the first move, and whether they ever spoke again in Hookups with Hailey.

Q: How did you meet?

Jane: So I know we met in an eating club. It was either Colonial or Charter -- or maybe it was Cannon, I really don’t remember, but it was one of those three. It was like a Friday or Saturday night.

John: I think it was a night out. I don’t remember which eating club it was. It was freshman year in the fall, so if I had to guess, I would probably say… Charter Friday? I guess we just met on the dance floor or something like that and went back to my room. And then, you know, shit happened.

Q: Who made the first move?

Jane: I’m pretty sure it was John. I’m pretty sure he made the first move, but it wasn’t anything that deep. It was just like a look or something, and I just kind of was like ‘Yeah, I see where this is going’.

John: Probably the alcohol *laughs*. Uh, shit, maybe me to be honest. Yeah, if i had to put my money on it, I probably made the first move. Cause I was like, ‘Oh, there’s a cute girl, you know, let me go talk to her. See what’s up’.

Q: Do you remember what caught your eye and drew you to him/her?

Jane: I don’t know, I just found him attractive and I was just like ‘okay’. I think it was also his confidence too. I saw him a weekend before and I thought he was making a move, but I wasn’t really down with that, wasn’t really feeling it. But then, it seemed like he was persistent and I was like ‘Oh, he’s confident. Okay’.

John: She’s thick *laughs*, that’s just my preference. I liked her hair too.

Q: Who initiated the intimacy?

Jane: I’m pretty sure he did the first time.

John: Probably me. I mean, we both knew what was going to happen when I brought her back to my room. Yeah, so probably went inside my room and just went at it. It was consensual, like mutual on both parts, both of us wanted to do it.

Q: Was it awkward at all?

Jane: No, it wasn’t awkward at all. For the first time, it had to have been good because we kept doing it *laughs*, you know what I mean? So no, it wasn’t really awkward.

John: Oh, no. I think she spent the night and left in the early morning. And then afterwards, I think I got her number so that she would come back, you know, for more sessions later on. It’s been an ongoing thing.

Q: How was the sex/intimate experience?

Jane: It was good. There’s actually a funny story -- this wasn’t the first time though-- but one of the times that we hooked up, I don’t know what was with me, but I was way hornier than usual, so I remember just being so loud. Literally moaning, and his friend in the room next to him took a video, like they heard me like screaming. Then John told me the next day and I was like ‘Oh, that’s awkward’. I have no shame in it because I was having a good time. So it was really good.

John: It was good. You know, some things got better over the course of time. I think she got her retainers out, which made the blowjobs better. Overall, it’s just been a good experience. And the best part about it is that we’re friends, so we can joke around. You know, I would ask for something, she’d be like ‘Oh no, we’re not going there’. I always wanted to try anal, so I asked her ‘can we try it’. She was like ‘no’, so we joked around too. She’s a cool person.

Q: Would you/did you reach out again after the initial experience. Who reached out first?

Jane: I think I did. When we reached out again, it was usually through Snapchat or texting, I don’t remember which one. But It was basically like a “you up?” type of thing.

John: I think probably her. I think she was like ‘what are you doing tonight’, like the next week. And then she came over again. Like I said, it’s been happening since freshman year. I think it kind of stopped sophomore spring. But yet again, it’s not like a definite end. Like I would predict that it’s going to happen again.

Q: Describe your relationship one week after the first time you hooked up?

Jane: After the first time, it was awkward but kind of like the expected awkward, like ‘Oh we just hooked up’ and you just walk by and see them in Frist or something. This is on him though, he was like awkward in public, but behind closed doors, he was chill, he was him.

John: It wasn’t really romantic. If I had to put it under a category, I would say it was a friends with benefits sort of thing.

Q: Was it the same after one month, or was it different in any way?

Jane: We hooked up pretty soon after the first time, so our relationship wasn’t too awkward, it was more like… we were using each other like sex toys in my opinion. I just felt like it was strictly for that reason. We would say like small talk, like a hi or something or he would say a snarky comment to me in public. But most of the time, it was little talking and straight to the business *laughs*.

John: Pretty much the same. We weren’t looking to make it romantic.

Q: If you could go back to that first hookup, would you do it again? Would you change anything?

Jane : I’d do it again. The only thing I would change… I think I was definitely drunk that night. If I were to change anything, I wish I were less drunk… but I gave consent! I just wish I would’ve been less drunk so that I could’ve enjoyed it more, I think. I will say that I wasn’t as self conscious as I usually am because of it and I think that’s another reason why we continued after.

John: I’d do it again. Yeah I wouldn’t change anything. We had a good experience all around. And we’re still friends to this day, we still talk. I’m pretty sure this year if I hit her up, it could happen again... Actually, I do wish that we had done anal. You know, like I got some KY gel to spice things up. Actually I think that one day, she did say ‘yeah, we can do it’ and I chickened out at the last second. I was like, ‘You know what, nah’ *laughs*. Given the chance again, I think I’d go for it. You know, with the proper supplies, in reflection.

Q: Reflecting on the place that you guys are at now, are there any lessons/takeaways from the overall experience?

Jane: I honestly have no regrets, but I came in knowing what was going to happen… with no expectations other than hooking up. That’s why I wasn’t disappointed. I feel like a big thing at Princeton is not just hookup culture, but the expectation that you’re going to find someone that you’re going to be in a long-term relationship with, but I never thought that would happen between us. I just assumed that’s where it was going and that’s what it seemed like based on the first time. Don’t set yourself up for failure, you know what I mean? I don’t think I ever had a moment where I thought we were going to be in a relationship. Maybe the first week when I was all jittery and shit, but I think everyone goes through that. But that’s a slippery slope, hooking up with someone at Princeton and thinking ‘maybe this could go somewhere’, so just establish where it’s going from the start. I would say though that I think I made a friend, I consider him a friend.

John: I mean, I don’t have any, no… to all the readers out there, if you want a good relationship or to have a great experience with someone, make sure you guys are friendly and you can still joke around afterwards -- or during the experience. I joked with her, like ‘ Yo, could you give me a blowjob while watching Incredibles 2?’ and she was like ‘fuck no’. *laughs* I respect that.

Q: Are there any funny anecdotes or anything you just want to add on?

Jane: One night, I came to the door and he’s watching Incredibles 2 and he made me rewatch the ending like four times. That was the dumbest shit of my life. Another time, he wanted me to suck his dick and he pulled out coconut oil or something. I said no because I didn’t know what was in it. It wasn’t just coconut oil, it was like in a plastic bottle, so you know there are some things that should not be in your mouth. And it was sitting on his desk, he had it ready *laughs*. I will say, a thing I enjoyed about hooking up with John is that we had really good communication.

John: One night she stayed over and the next day, a couple of guys told me they passed my door last night and heard loud moans. They proceeded to show me a snap video they took in front of my door with the moaning in the background. I think there was another, at a later Charter Friday-- at the time I was cuffed with a whole other girl -- but I was coming from the bathroom and she/alias sees me and starts twerking on me. I thought damn, I really want to, but I can’t because you got to stay loyal.

Q: Is there anything you would say to them now that you’re both single again?

Jane: Thanks? I don’t fucking know. Good job? *laughs*. I had a good time.

John; To, her, I would say… let’s do it one more time, see how it goes.

*John and Jane are anonymous aliases